Leden 2016

Sea, see?

19. ledna 2016 v 21:31
Sailing into dark deep sea,
Thinking about every lie,
Nobody could ever understand me,
And now I´m going to DIE!!!

Watching boat going down,
After a while your alone..
Looking into something brown,
And hope? none..

And last time you remember?
Just a gift from a lady - kiss
Before you became a member..
And now you know what you will miss

Now, far away you´ve seen something..
It was a kraken a giant jellyfish..
You stared..did nothing,
And you gave up on your life´s last wish.

Oh, you poor bastard...
Nobody cares about your death..
You´re in a dark deep sea, yeah..
Nobody´s coming, you see...
You´re falling into darkness..

The Void

7. ledna 2016 v 20:24
Do you know what its like when everything turns into silence? What it would be like? I´ve been wondering about it for a long time, but can´t find out. I don´t know who to talk to about this. I don´t even know if I want to tell anyone. This is probably the best place to think out loud, because nobody will read this and I will have the opportunity to read it any time I want. And to those, who maybe will read this..I´d be really happy if you dropped some of your ideas if you have anything to add to this.
So about the topic..On one hand it is a nic idea, relaxing one, but on the other hand i fear of it. I fear that this void is the end of the path. Nothing more to it really.

Sometimes I dream about it. Sometimes it crawls up to me during daylight and then I start wondering. I wonder about me beeing gone, wonder what passing onto the other side is like and if there´s something on the other side. It´s shame that we only get one chance to look in there and are not able to tell wheter its better or worst.

I get that some are terryfied of this, but spending entire life in fear? That´s not life, cause when you start fearing this moment, you won´t live. You end up thinking and analysing everything and you will not be able to enjoy anything. You would be like "It´s good, but if this and that it´d be better and I´d enjoy this more if this or that was like I wanted it to be.."
and so on. Now, there are good experiences and bad ones. The good one we try to keep in our memories and the bad ones we try to push away. But both are shaping your mind, preparing it for the next experience that are about to come. So in the end it doesn´t really matter what you´ve experienced, because you can use that knowledge to avoid mistakes in the future.

Now, for the bright side of this.. Maybe there is something better on the other side. Maybe you´ll spend the eternity reliving your memories and enjoying every moment knowingly the consequences and you´ll get to decide whether or not you lived your life the way that there is something that could change or somehow affect the outside world or at least the poeple ayou care about. And maybe you could watch over some people.

I personally would love to get the chance to go there and then return here. So I could see how the world would continue, how would poeple react. Then I would know who I was unfair to and who deserved it or who just pretended. I would get as much out of it as I could. But then again..we only get to try this once.

There are probably some mistakes, cause Im getting sleepy, but be lenient please. Its the only way I can practise my english now, thanks.


6. ledna 2016 v 21:55
Sititing here, going through some old stuff and listenin to Johnny Cash. Realized I fuckin lost my tabs, can´t finish the bloody songs. Had some thoughts though, but man can´t have everything, right? Also found some old poems, all i see when I read them are grammar mistakes, cause the poems don´t mean nothing to me now. But since this is such a sentimental evening..I´ll post one of ´em.

"Every minute without you,
is like a prison,
I can just wait for our meeting,
I love you I have more reasons,
and I have not any reason,
Love your touches, smile and kissing.

You´re my luck,
you´re my life,
I want to fuck,
I´ll be your wife.

I could stay awake,
just to hear you breath,
It´s the best sound in the world,
I ´d never cheat on you, hate it,
Cause love isn´t just a word."

Well..there you have it. I personally find it funny. There´s no point dwelling on the past, but sometimes it´s nice to recall some things, such as what an idiot a was. Maybe not, maybe i was a regular kid, with no experience with this kind of thing. Earlier I read some line that i really liked, so I´ll write it here.. "I love you and I know that I will not ever love anyone the way I love you, because I will never be the same as I am at this moment, which is fading away, while I´m talking about it and I can´t stop it from fading away, not even with my own life."